So it turns out, I am completely unqualified to write this blog.
Typically, Ken and I wake up together, I read my Bible while Ken showers, then we read the Bible together before breakfast. It’s a nice little morning routine that we’ve come to enjoy.
But on the first day I was going to start working on this blog, inspired by books praising using mornings for passion projects, I woke up a bit earlier to work. I planned to work on the blog until Ken woke up, and then I’d transition into our typical morning routine. Ken accidentally foiled my plans, though, when he woke up earlier than I had expected him to. When he came into the office to say good morning, I was frustrated by my abbreviated work time. ThenI was annoyed with myself for getting frustrated, because obviously Ken wasn’t intending to mess up my morning plans that I hadn’t even told him about.
So, unsatisfied with the short time so far spent, I forwent reading my Bible in favor of continuing to work – which threw me a little off kilter. When Ken finished his shower and returned to the office to see if I was ready to read together, I suddenly remembered that I had planned to try a new breakfast recipe – but I had completely forgotten and, obviously, not started. Oh ya, and there was wet laundry in the washer that probably needed to be changed.
I felt out of control. It was only 7:30, and I had already gotten frustrated by a non-issue (Ken waking up a little early), was annoyed with being frustrated, felt behind on my blog (which was supposed to be fun), bypassed reading my Bible, and had forgotten to make breakfast. Clearly I was a bad wife, person, Christian, blogger, homemaker, etc. Right?
I’m reminded of the chapter “There’s a Lady at the Gym Who Hates Me” from Lysa TerKeurst’s book Uninvited. In it, Lysa relays the story of a beautiful woman on the elliptical next to her at the gym. Through a series of events, Lysa inadvertently offended her by using poor gym etiquette, and the other woman terminated her workout and left the area, acting coldly toward Lysa thereafter.
BUT WAIT. The story takes a turn when much later, she saw the woman at the gym, and the woman smiled at her. One of those, “Hey, I’ve seen you around here before” familiar kind of smiles.
Upon reflection, Lysa comes to the conclusion that the woman probably doesn’t hate her at all. Most likely, the woman hadn’t even noticed her during their first interaction or the times following. Instead, Lysa had projected her own insecurities onto that woman, and as a result, it had festered internally, and confirmation bias prompted Lysa to believe that the woman hated her.
Similarly, I had projected my own insecurities about my performance as a wife, person, Christian, blogger, homemaker, etc. onto the events of the morning. Because let’s look at what actually happened:
I woke up a little early and grabbed a cup of coffee that my loving husband had programmed for me the night prior. I also tossed a load of laundry in the washing machine, because we’re probably nearly out of underwear. Then I got to work on my new passion project for a few minutes before my happy, sleepy husband came in and gave me a kiss good morning. I had all the ingredients for a yummy breakfast, so I tossed them into the InstaPot to make a truly delicious coconut oatmeal. While it cooked, I snuggled up with my hubby in our oversized armchair and read the Bible together, which I absolutely love doing. Then, we ate our yummy oatmeal while listening to Harry Potter on Audible before he headed off to work.
THAT’S A DREAM MORNING!
What was I getting my feathers all ruffled for?
Like Lysa in her book, I had projected my insecurities onto the morning’s events. Nothing actually went wrong – it was all in my head!
Here I was, trying to write a blog to help people feel okay with chaos and slow progress, and I threw a fit about a little bit a chaos and slow progress.
Hypocrite, party of one!
So just know that if you ever think that I’m not qualified to write this blog, I’ll be the first one to say, “Amen, sister!”
But I’m not letting this little hiccup stop me – I’ll figure it out! Because here’s the good news: You don’t have to be good to start, you have to start to be good! Sure, I often wish I had my act together a bit more. If I did, though, this blog would just be another lifestyle blog telling you how you can have a picture-perfect life like mine.
But I don’t want you to have a life like mine. I want you to have a life like YOU want, and I want to give you the freedom to take as many tries and as many steps as you need to make that happen.
So you now have behind the scenes insight to how far from perfect I am, and if I can still take steps towards the person I want to be and the life I want to have, you can too!