Lysa TerKeurst, well known Christian author, speaker, and founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries, recently announced her impending divorce. On her blog, she gave the heartbreaking news that her husband cheated on her for years, and nothing has changed after eighteen months of intense marriage crisis counseling.
Some stood quickly atop their soapboxes and spouted their opinions about her divorce, behavior, and ministry. I don’t think now is a time for standing or spouting; I think now is a time for sitting and grieving.
Lysa wisely turned off the comments on her blog, and I couldn’t find a way to email her. Still, I wanted to let her know that she was not alone. From across the country, many of us are sitting and grieving with her. I hope this letter reaches her, but even if it doesn’t, I’m glad to have one more compassionate voice out there during this hard time.
My Letter to Lysa TerKeurst
My heart breaks for you.
You don’t know me, but I feel like I know you. I’ve spent hours and days with you, reading through your books. So I reach out as a friend you’ve never met to offer compassion in this dark time.
I can’t imagine the pain of what you’re going through, especially in such spotlight. Especially as an advocate for marriage. Especially with peoples’ expectations of what a “Proverbs 31 woman” is. Especially, especially, especially. . .
The situation seems perfectly constructed to be as difficult as possible. There’s nothing to be said except that my heart hurts with yours. Sorrow shared is half sorrow, and while that may not feel like a difference when you’re halving an infinite amount, know that it is shared. Hearts all over the world are breaking with yours.
You are not alone. You are not abandoned.
You are still loved.
While I can’t say that divorce is good, we do know God can use all things for good (Romans 8:28). You may have already started a revolution of awareness: the devil prowls, and no marriage is untouchable. People have already responded to your news as a call to arms, encouraging men and women to arm ourselves vigilantly against the adversary and destroyer of marriage.
God has a larger plan here.
Still, the promise of larger plans doesn’t always offer comfort in small moments.
My heart hurts for you as you travel down a road where everyday might be a series of small, painful moments. So, again, I offer compassion. While hurtful voices may scream loudly, know that they don’t speak for us all. You have been there for so many of us, and we have not left you in your time of need.
This letter is falling so short of what I want to convey. The words seem so useless, and I long for something practical to do. I wish that I had the perfect encouragement to give, or that I was nearby and you knew me.
If I could bring over lasagna, clean your house, or do anything to to lighten your already heavy load, I would.
But I am your friend from afar, and you don’t know me. So I will write a message of compassion, if only so there’s another one out there, and I will pray.
I will pray for you, your family, and your community, and, as per your request, I will pray for Art.
With love and compassion,
If divorce has affected you, how do you wish people showed compassion during that time?