Lysa TerKeurst, well known Christian author, speaker, and founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries, recently announced her impending divorce. On her blog, she gave the heartbreaking news that her husband cheated on her for years, and nothing has changed after eighteen months of intense marriage crisis counseling.
Some stood quickly atop their soapboxes and spouted their opinions about her divorce, behavior, and ministry. I don’t think now is a time for standing or spouting; I think now is a time for sitting and grieving.
Lysa wisely turned off the comments on her blog, and I couldn’t find a way to email her. Still, I wanted to let her know that she was not alone. From across the country, many of us are sitting and grieving with her. I hope this letter reaches her, but even if it doesn’t, I’m glad to have one more compassionate voice out there during this hard time.
Today’s post will be short and sweet. I tried elaborating, but the fluff detracted from the simplicity of this life-changing relationship rule. It’s a rule we learned from our friends Carlo & Sarah, and we’ve followed it since the early days of dating.
So, I have something to tell you probably already know: I’m not the perfect wife.
While you’re most likely not shocked to learn that piece of information – I (embarrassingly) was!
Let me back up a little bit and give some context. When Ken and I got married, we talked a lot about expectations and hopes in marriage. Ken said that what one of the things he most wanted was a peaceful home.
This didn’t come as a surprise. If you know my husband, you know that he loves peace. When we went through the Servants By Design personality survey, Harmonizer was his highest rank. Put simply, that means that any disruption in the peace really affects him and wears on him.
So – the determined taskmaster that I am – I decided to give him the most gosh-darn peaceful home he’s ever seen! I started each day with a check-list, and frantically tired to create a peaceful home. Dishes? Done! Food? Cooked! Living room? Clean! Groceries? Purchased and put away! Finances? Managed! And on and on. Day after day.
Man, I was nailing this peaceful home thing, right?
If we’re being honest, I’ve been a little nervous about this first blog post for Wildflowers and Progress. If we’re being super honest, I’m a little nervous about ALL the blog posts. And it’s a prideful, unrealistic kind of nervousness. If this blog is written to give people hope that they and their lives don’t need to be perfect (which it is), then I’ll need to write about ways that I and my life aren’t perfect (which I’m/it’s not).
But here’s the internal struggle: I don’t want you to know that I and my life aren’t perfect!
Like I said, prideful and unrealistic, right? Because the fact of the matter is that you do know that I’m not perfect, especially if you’ve spent any time with me. That’s not intended to be a self-deprecating knock, it’s just the admittance that faults are not hard to find.
And here’s another fear: I don’t want you to know that I struggle with perfectionism.